I was never into my English literary studies throughout any of my time in primary or secondary school. It was that class that I’d have to come up with some nonsense at the last minute to justify, say, why the author chose to make their main character’s pillow blue as opposed to red, and how blue symbolized that they suffered from depression, or something ridiculous like that. Add a couple more sentences related to that point, add another equally ridiculous assertion and find small snippets of critical evidence that supports my ideas, and submit the paper and get, at worst, an A-. It’s not like my teachers actually read my papers anyway. I can say this for a fact, as I intentionally did my assignments with lower and lower quality throughout the school year and would always receive the same grade. At the end of the day, I had finished the paper and received a decent grade, and that was enough for me. I had mastered the system of producing secondary school essays.  

While that may have worked for me in the past, something daunting has become apparent in my future. The moment I saw “introductory essay” on the syllabus for this homeland security oriented freshman English class, I realized that I have absolutely no idea how to write a personal essay. As I continued down the syllabus and saw ‘exploratory essay” and “peer-review” I realized that this may be the English class that teaches me the techniques more suited to my goals as a writer. Nevermore would I be forced to use the writing techniques I had developed for critical papers of thematic fiction during high school. I had chosen this class purely because it was an introduction to the sciences that I could use to help me figure out if they were something I would consider for my college major. In addition, I had chosen it purposefully to avoid having to write complete nonsense about how a blue pillow relates to a character’s depression in a novel. I thought that this class would require me to solely write informative research papers on the relation of various different areas of scientific study to our country’s homeland security, and I am pleasantly surprised.. I am not an artsy writer, nor do I aspire to become one. I much prefer the constructive writing that research papers entail, because they have a real world meaning.  I’d rather write a report on how the manufacturing process of the aforementioned blue pillow is environmentally destructive, rather than how the blue pillow serves as a symbol for a character’s depression.

Aside from becoming more accustomed to these new types of essays and readings,, I have one more goal in mind for my development. I feel that I am not very good at expressing myself, especially when speaking, even if it is on a constructive topic that I have thoroughly researched prior. Since I was not able to take any form of speech class during my first semester, I am hoping that this class will help me explore that skillset as well. If not through speech, then I am hoping that the essays I will write for this class will help me to concisely get my point across and maintain the attention of my intended audience. My writing and speaking must become controlled and focused, as opposed to relying on ad-libbing and thus lacking a solid foundation..

While I am glad that I have made the correct choice in FIQWS in that I will be writing about the categories of readings that I am more suited towards, I cannot say that my habits as a student will change. The writing itself will continue to be a chore to me, and I will continue to write my papers last moment (though research will come much earlier, I’d hope!). I will, as previously, learn to do them as efficiently as possible and to a high specification. The content, however, will interest me, as I am no longer trying to find meaning in a blue pillow. I will, naturally, become a better writer, and be able to ace any future writings I will have to do in my upcoming semesters. Whether I will become a better speaker is to be determined. I hope to reflect on my advancement in both of these skills over my winter break at the end of this semester.